MADAM POURQUOI:Phonetically yours

One of the first things that you learn in French, as with other languages is the basics. Alphabets. Days and weeks. What they look and sound like. You learn them by heart. French has same number with the English alphabet, 26 of them. The pronunciations differ but not much. The strangest alphabets have to be "Y" which is pronounced as "igrek" and "W" pronounced "double vay." I know physically ‘W' is closer to ‘V'; it's like a double ‘V' typed together but in pen-and-paper writing, it's closer to ‘Double H' the English way. Does this say something about the two languages, one a bit geeky, advanced than the other?

I thought alphabets were supposed to make up words? How do you say an alphabet (whose pronunciation is syllables already) part of a word? The first time I heard it pronounced, I asked "one alphabet, two syllables; how come?" I forget it is French our bossy boss, no reasons, just rules. When you see the alphabet "Y", it is still pronounced like the English "y." I just don't understand. It is also not just an alphabet. It is also used as a pronoun. To replaces a place or something said earlier. For example: Nous y sommes translates "we are there" and assumes that the person knows where ‘there' is. It is also used with commands and exclamations. Like Vas y! Go on!

Words are not as they seem. Never try to pronounce them with your English tongue. You need a good ear to listen to the sound and an obedient tongue. Some vowels in French have accents. Just like Yoruba. Accent grave is ami oke. Accent aigu is ami isale. Accent circumflex, well I am not sure if it's the Yoruba ami aarin. The location of these accents determine what a word sounds like. Another factor to note is the placement of alphabets. Let me explain. If ‘d' is followed by a vowel ‘a' it is pronounced as ‘t' as in Grand aeroport (big airport); it is replaced by ‘t' as one word /granteroport/. This only reminds me of Yoruba ‘iparoje' which literally translates ‘swallowing of sounds.' The combination of vowels determines what it sounds like. Not what it looks like. These are rules. For instance, Loi, Roi, voiture (the /oi/ is pronounced /wa/). Another pronunciation combo is Ils ont (pronounced as ‘z' as in /Ilzont/) while Ils sont (is pronounced as /Ilsont/) who would have thought? It is the same way no one would think that campagne did not have something to do with company. Champignon does not mean champion but mushroom.

Some French sounds are throaty, as if someone wants to clean out one's throat of phlegm. The most obvious manifestation of this being the pronunciation of ‘r.' Before you come to a French class and start trying to pronounce that alphabet, please eat well. Or else your eyes will start turning. The lucky ones are people who cannot pronounce ‘r' well; you remember the ones that could not make out the Yoruba pun "Iya Risi n ta rice, o n ta ororo; o n ta eran olora." If your Risi was Wisi; your Rice is Wice; and Ororo is Owowo; then welcome to class. You just passed the "R" test. French is made for them. Talk of blessing in disguise?

We had a song for days of the week in French in secondary school. Except that many Yorubas like me called Samedi with emphasis on the ‘e' sound as three syllables. All French days of the week end in di, except for Sunday which begins with it. This is similar to English. Each day of the week is named after different things. Lundi named after Lune, the French word for moon. Mardi, named after the planet Mars. Mecredi, named after Mecre. Jeudi, named after the planet Jupiter. Vendredi is named after Venus. Samedi, supposedly named after Saturn but doesn't sound like it. Dimanche is from Dies Dominicus meaning Day of our Lord, I guess that's Italian. I wasn't taught this in class. It's thanks to Rocket French, my trusted French e-learning assistant.

I don't like phonetics. English. French. However to be understood, it is important to know the rules. Ignore them at your own peril.